The inspiration was WHAT now?!

So my first little test drive went well. I got there early, parked in the MOST expensive place possible only to find out that the parking garage right next to it was 10 dollars cheaper. Shit. I walk in there are 2 servers, a manager and a hostess dressed to pick up a date. WHY do hostesses get license to look like total prostitutes yet I have to wear ugly non slip shoes and the most unflattering attire known to man? Moving on, the manager tells me I was just in time for dinner. Naturally I assume she's speaking of dinner service. I mean, I did come here for the evening shift, what else would there be tea and scones with the queen? I was really thinking she was off a few notches. Imagine my surprise when I find out no, she actually means supper. I was lead through the cleanest kitchen I have ever seen in my life, through a maze of purple hallways to a break room. The room held a plasma tv, a buffet style steam table full of food, a salad bar and a coke fountain. I was floored, a restaurant that actually FEEDS its servers, for free?! No more ordering food, gobbling it down in free moments between double seatings hoping the bugs and or other servers don't polish it off before you get to it? Wow..maybe this is server heaven. On the wall behind this apparition was a calendar with what was being served for the rest of the month. Perhaps my yogurt was laced with something because surely I was hallucinating.
The weird part...no aprons. Now, a server apron is Davey Jone's locker full of all kinds of useful crap. I knew one server who carried a pocket knife and a little leather hobbit bag full of change. Other carry cigarettes, a cell phone, pictures of loved ones, condoms, lipgloss,etc. You know, the essentials. Without this you have to carry everything in your pockets. Women's dress pants aren't exactly designed for saddle packs of junk. I'm not sure how I feel about this no apron thing, that's a server's security item, that and a padded book.
The restaurant only runs with 2 servers on a Tuesday evening which is both good and bad. Good because it means there are only 2 to split all the tables, bad because well...only 2 servers can handle all the tables. The restaurant is still new, that's obvious when I saw the patio table tops were starting to come unglued from the heat and was told they didn't anticipate that kind of heat. Well....the Georgia summer heat is basically like dancing on the surface of the sun wearing sandals made of butter. So, this was their first summer, noobs.
The servers enlightened me that the design of the restaurant was inspired by a screen saver and a particular female orifice. The large football shaped hole in the wall backlit by a blue light in the private dining room already clued me in. I am familiar with this shape and being a female with a particularly dirty mind this amused me through my interview in that room. The designer was male, go figure.
The last funny thing was the schedule. One man I saw in there training last week when I interviewed was there training this week. He was scheduled for 6 training shifts this week to my...3. Great, they hired a man who is pants on head retarded. Either I am that good, or they REALLY need me on the floor. For my ego's sake I'm going with I'm just that damn good.
Overall the management seems super cool, the feeling is relaxed but I'm worried about the amount of business this place does. We'll see how the french joint is, much like every other server I know, I go where the money is. Did I mention they work TRIPLE shifts at this joint? I know, I shuddered too.

Do you remember the time, when we fell in love?

So, I've moved back home to Atlanta. I stopped posting the last few months at the Bier Markt because wwell...it just got to be too silly to even post. Being yelled at for not bringing people drinks in the middle of the dance floor at 1:55. Excuse me drunk ass, last call is in 5 minutes and I'm not fighting these assholes to drink you your shitty vodka soda for no tips.
So, now that I am home and have been out of the serving game for an ENTIRE MONTH I'm starting to go through server withdrawal. I had two interviews at fine dining joints in Buckhead. Now, I have to say it's nice to have someone look at your resume and say you're qualified. I'm so old hat at server interviews I can make anything sound polished, my answers are now on auto pilot. Why do I have no wine knowledge? You can't say "Well because I've managed to never learn about wine because I just don't give a damn. I know what I like and don't give a rat's ass out this vintage or that. I can tell you how to get cheap red wine out of sand colored carpet while not legal to drive." That answer won't pass any interview, albeit truthful. Instead you say something like "Well, that's an excellent question. You see in Canada the beer market is quite small, the available beers are controlled by a liquor board. If you want something new you're forced to go to a restaurant that specializes in imports. Instead of wine I learned how to describe the complexity of beer, the flavor profile, where it came from, the history of the brewery. Just like beer, I can learn about wine quickly." Sounds good right? Total bullshit, but it sounds good. That is all that truly matters in serving, look good, sound good and make it through your shift.
I've been hired at two restaurants I just have to choose one. This isn't the time to be picky, but it kind of is. I have that old familiar feeling that every new serving job brings, the hopefulness that THIS place will be the hospitality utopia. The place where your schedule is the perfect blend of doubles and days off, where no one messes with you,it's slam packed every night, everyone knows their job and the managers aren't homicidal monkeys in pants. One place is a celebrity chef restaurant with fusion cuisine and a very very polished post modern dining room. I have to say, it looks enchanting. The other place is a corporate owned french restaurant, the reviews are not so great for it and although the interior is enchanting the servers have to wear vests. I for one think vests are the epitome of homosexuality and I've avoided them at all costs. We'll see how these turn out, I'm broke and I need a job. It's not a family restaurant so that's a start.